Dad Jokes
 

•    “What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

•    Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

•    A father tells his son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son demands. “We are your biological parents,” the father responds. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”

•    A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

•    Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

•    My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.

•    I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

•    I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

•    A man tells his wife that does not want any kids. Alarmed, she asks why.  He answers: “It’s hereditary.”